stupidity

i feel so stupid. sacrificing so many things for nothing. i want to go back where i belong where everything seems so perfect. so happy. over here, everything is going the opposite direction i want things to be. i feel tired.. extremely tired. i hate to not let someone that hurts me so much go. i doubt that person even know how i feel every single day. but they are like that. what more can i expect?
why am i so stupid.
whenever something happens to him , i feel worried , i feel sad for him. but he never knows. i thought the time we spend together seems precious but apparently it seems nothing to him. Lord, please save me from stepping myself into this situation . it has been a month plus. why am i still acting like this. why?
i wonder who will ever read this post. do i even still exist in his mind. maybe one small tiny little dot? or maybe none. i hate it hate it hate it... thought i would've been able to enjoy myself. but i guess i was wrong. i have always been wrong . haven't i ? everything i say seems to be a mistake in his eye, everything i do seems to annoy him. only when he needs me he wants me there besides that, he will just kick me away and i will feel like an abandon puppy. no one ever wants me anymore! why do i want to search his name on fb knowing things that i am gonna see is gonne hurt me even more? why do i even want to know the truth about things and find out myself ? that's why i am stupid. my mom and my sis told me to stand strong. it is easy to say but hard to do. but does he ever know about things like this? does it even occur in his mind how much tears have i shed for this whole month. maybe more than that.
i am so tired. i need to take a rest.
i feel so stupid.
stupid.